Wednesday, 17 October 2012

From the Innsmouth Observer, 16 October 2012

Innsmouth gardening contest winner announced

Mrs Harpsichord Withers has scooped the annual Innsmouth Flower Fanciers Best in Show Award for a new hybrid bloom created by grafting a Venus flytrap onto a South American corpse plant. 

Asked what inspired her to create the new hybrid, Withers said, "I noticed that we were plagued by flies during summer. The Venus flytrap is not capable of keeping up with the insects, especially when the tannery is in full operation, so the graft with the larger corpse plant makes perfect sense. The olfactory characteristic of the corpse plant and its enhanced size, combined with the characteristics of the Venus flytrap make it the perfect plant for keeping the garden pest free."

"I call it the mortuary magnolia," she said.

Above: The 'mortuary magnolia', winner of Best in Show Award at the Innsmouth Flower Fanciers Show.

Invited by the Committee of the Innsmouth Swimming Club, General Eustace Unbeknowst of the USAF visited the show to examine the plant. "We believe that this plant has interesting potential, and have begun to consider how to induce motility, using Miss Withers' very unusual hybridisation techniques, and a rotweiler," he said.

"Of course we will only use it in countries abroad as part of approved aid programmes initiated by the United States. We would only use it locally in the event of a zombie apocalypse or for homeland security reasons," he continued.

He went on to say that early discussions on use in the Middle East, Afghanistan and Pakistan had been initiated. "Our brave troops will tell you that dealing with flies is one of their main concerns."

General Unbeknowst went on to reference the sudden spate of disappearances of household pets and a number of young children. "If we could get these things moving and into every garden, I am sure the benefit of household security would far outweigh the inconvenience of the smell," he concluded.

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