Sunday 6 May 2012

Buffy vs. Scully and the plausible plot

Which of the two is more believable: the demoniacal plot to take over the earth or the alien plot to take over the earth? This is a trick question...

According to the second hand Time Life book with the groovy pictures that I brought on amazing Long Street in a time when 'groovy' was still a valid word, not a state of mind to be avoided, everything boils down to 'cosmic dualism'. According to this book, the human brain is wired to think in terms of 'if not that, then this'.

You can see it everywhere: us and them, good and bad, saints and sinners, garlic and basil, grilled and fried. It's the stuff that reality is made of. It's the basis for a good story, with the possible exception of anything by Alan Ginsberg who is a poet, anyway, and other writers who spent a lot of time being experimental and groovy.

I have written about it before: people who like weekends and people who like work, people who like cats and people who like dogs, and so on. It's just that I never got round to understanding it entirely well. And, in fact, I wouldn't have understood it if a moment of utter boredom and ennui hadn't pushed me to the point where I had to troll through 'that side' of the bookshelves.

There's a lot of heavy stuff in the book, most of which makes some kind of sense. Cosmic dualism is not only a thing of practicality, but also a major basis of most types of philosophy, which is a fairly good way of keeping very thoughtful people gainfully employed and off the meths in the park.

As I was thinking about the impact of cosmic dualism on life in general, I realised that there is one division well worth exploring: 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' and 'X-Files'. Herein lies one of the greater divisions of human nature, and character.

'Buffy the Vampire Slayer', just in case you didn't pick up on it, followed the story of a young woman who obviously slayed vampires. The series went on forever, so to alleviate the repetitiveness, she also slayed demons, werewolves but unfortunately also my attention span.

In 'The X-Files', two agents, or four or three agents, if you followed the later series, battled iniquity and conspiracy in government to uncover the fact that said government was about to sell humanity into alien slavery.

Which of the two is more believable: the demoniacal plot to take over the earth or the alien plot to take over the earth? This is a trick question...

If you answered 'Buffy' you obviously missed the bit about the iniquity and conspiracy on the part of the government in 'The X-Files'. Obviously, although SETI hasn't yet produced transmissions of alien origin, 'The X-Files' is more believable.

I have nothing against it if you are a 'Buffy' fan or think that Sarah Michelle Gellar is sexier than Gillian Anderson: it's just that maybe you should watch  'The X-Files' again and reappraise them, or risk being classed as someone who may be slightly too optimistic or possibly not cynical enough about the real motives of politicians.

You may also risk being classified as someone who allows superstition to rule instead of embracing, exploring and unravelling the mysteries of science.

And, if in reference to 'The X-Files', you have any acerbic comment about the giant blood-sucking human fluke, remember not only that you are defending your position on 'Buffy', who's vampires were supernatural in origin, while 'The X-Files' proposed a mutant freak of genetics, something that appears all too possible if you drink anything that is artificially sweetened or is probably quite likely if you live next door to Chernobyl or Three Mile Island. And no, the phenomenon of exorcism in the Catholic church or a passing familiarity with 'The Exorcist' cannot be used as a rationale.

I am sure that  I will find a way to buy Buffy the Vampire Slayer on DVD, and even try to watch all of it, but having watched a few already, the protests of the legions of glassy eyed 'Buffy' fans will not sway me. I know that 'the truth is out there'. And I know that a cold hard piece of rational analysis from Scully beats a flying kick and a splash of holy water from Buffy, any day.

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