Sunday, 30 December 2012

13 New Year resolutions for horror and speculative fiction devotees

  1. The next time I cut my finger I will not give in to curiosity and suck the wound, in case it leads to something I didn't expect.
  2. I will remember the tranquil and beatific smiles of the cast of the Twilight movies, and resist the urge to accept prescription medications to manage my kids' behaviour.
  3. I will not wear glittery fairy wings to the next dress-up party unless I am a six foot rugby player in full body armour and haven't shaved for a couple of days.
  4. I will dress like Harry Dresden's brother, not Harry Dresden.
  5. I will remember that HP Lovecraft wrote fiction and will resist the urge to believe in Cthulhu.
  6. I will not get a Cute Cthulhu tattoo, not even there.
  7. I will meditate on the significance of the colour yellow.
  8. I will not invite EL James readers over for tea and contracts, no matter how wonderful the temptation.
  9. I will not grow poisonous plants in my vegetable patch.
  10. I will read 'Dracula', actually read it, from cover to cover, and stop making an arse of myself by muttering about vampires that walk in daylight.
  11. I will not wear my 'Team Voorhees' sweater anywhere except in the house.
  12. I will not substitute 'Southern Gods' for Doctor Seuss when it's time for bedtime stories.
  13. I will not lend credibility to or spread misinformation about the coming apocalypse to gullible people, this year.

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